Who I am today, is not who I was before. If you can’t overlook my past, then you’re not worthy of being in my future.

It’s as simple as that.

I find you
within the depths of my dreams.
and even though it may seem—
That we are apart,
I keep you close within
the confides of my own heart.
I write this to you dearly,
From my love, to you—
Sincerely.

Your fingers entangled and intertwined with mine, sharing kisses upon cheek to cheek, giving gifts wrapped with ribbons of laughter, tracing fingertips of shapes and figures on your skin, playing games that are rather pointless, and my head resting upon your chest as I listen to the metric pattern of your heart as it rhythmically synchronizes with mine.

Yes, that sounds quite nice. 

And that is the downside of these feelings I’ve contrived, for you.
Knowing that you’ll never feel the same way—knowing that you shall never reciprocate or requite my own affection..

It hurts. But the best for you, is all I truly want.

Just smile, for me. 

I’d very much rather you speak to me personally, if you have an issue. I find it highly disrespectful to broadcast hidden affairs, that surely do not need to be publicized. 

Sweet jesus, I do not like to be put on blast.

Have some kind of dignity. 

I’m just rather exhausted—of almost everything.

I must need some kind of realization, because I can feel myself decaying by the day.

An obliged apology is never a sincere apology. Please, save your breath. For not only my sake, but for yours as well.

It’s as if I need someone so much right now, but at the same time I do not wish to burden someone with my own dilemmas. Especially when it shall do no prolific productivity whatsoever, especially when it’s interpersonal turmoil I am dealing with.

I have never felt so alone in my life.

Shit.

And I need medication—that has been clinically approved..

To have this chronic depressive realism, removed.

tamburina:

Abandonment is a central idea of atheist existentialism. According to this theory, as put forward by Jean-Paul Sartre, god does not exist and life therefore has no intrinsic purpose or meaning. Humanity has been abandoned in the world and each must create his or her own meaning and morality without the help of any divine being.

In all honesty, I don’t believe I have enough strength to be strong anymore. Enough strength to stand firm, and be strong-willed. To endure. To persevere in the face of adversity. There are nights where I simply break down because—

I just cannot handle it.

“And if I could, I would take your eyes and blend them with the stars, so that every time I see them I can see you from afar.”

Because even your own eyes shine a light with such luminance, but no only in physicality, but my own being as well.

You kindle the light inside of me.

The grains of salt that falls within the hour glass—
fall so quickly and fast.
I can hear the drop of each increment fall and quake,
I feel the magnitude of the quake
As it synchronizes with my own beating of my chest.
and puts to rest as it proclaims a (test)ament.
I can feel the decay of my own composure,
Trying to sustain my own exposure,
but I fall—
Into an abyss where I lay in the arms that once used to hold
my own soul.
Tracing fingertips of shapes and figures on skin so nude,
This feeling I cannot even elude.